Discipline

I was thinking that dicipline is something I lack entirely.
But then I realised something; while in certain areas my lack of discipline is pathetic, that isn't to say I'm not at all disciplined.

Theres been some pretty fucking terrible things I've found so tempting, and been soclose to doing to myself, but it shows discipline that I forced myself not to do them...then again maybe it was just fear of the consequences...I'm really not sure actually.

I did manage to hold down working 6 days a week, attending school (partly) 5 days a week and paying my way for months while I still lived with my mother. Though maybe that was just an excuse for to spend as little time at home near that bitch as possible, and a way for me to adhere to my loyalty to food (because she certainly wasnt fucking feeding me).

So maybe I've demonstrated discipline in some ways, or maybe those very things have actually been me showing my weaknesses, me hiding from the things I hated.

I don't even really understand why I find it neccessary to publicly voice this, I guess putting it into writing and knowing maybe a person or two will agree and maybe relate to these odd things that occur in my mind will help get it off my chest...I sure as hell don't really know how else to get it off there!

Apologies,