New Blog

http://dearoldtigerthatsleeps.tumblr.com

Help?

Please, please, please
:'(

ALRIGHT

I GET IT

I FUCKING SUCK

SHUT UP NOW BEFORE I BECOME THAT KID WHO BRINGS A GUN TO CLASS AND SHOOTS EVERYONE

Back

Loneliness brings blogliness.
And once more I find myself unable to arrange my thoughts and feelings into coherent sentences.

People really give me the shits. I understand peoples hatred for conformity, seeing as how I hate it too, but I hate it when people just make everything difficult!
People complain about the most stupid things, and let themselves get irritated so easily.

Life is hard enough, why the fuck do people find it so neccessary to make it worse?!

I want it all back

This shit has finally made me realise my biggest fears

-Loss

-Change

-Loneliness

- & Fear itself.

If I had a straight head right now I'd elaborate, but I'm cider addles and sleepy.

I wanna fuck on the floor and break shit

yeah,
that's right.

I'm sad about something.

http://www.27bslash6.com/sad.html

Nuff said? I tihnk so.

I'm

one fucked up motherfucker

Flashbacks

Sometimes I get flashbacks.
Of things from the past, either good or bad.
No matter what, they manage to throw me quite a way.
They can turn the best of moods into a mess.

I hate you, past.

I've decided

that I'm breaking up with myself.
I really don't like my attitude, and I'm fed up with me, to be totally honest.
Nathan, I'm sorry sweetheart, but it's O-V-E-R!

I forget

what i was going to write.

Left behind

people around me are moving on,
and I'm standing still :/

Nicest Breeze

is coming through my window right now.
I wish you were here <3

Birds from Home;

I wish you'd leave
so I can live,
tend to these wounds
and hide these scars

I need the space to pace in the
broken black that is my mind
and contemplate the things you
throw at me in bitter times

I'm held captive by
your twisted truths
your words from wine
your hate, your guile

this bird has wings,
but its feathers are clipped
so close to the bone
cut, so close to the vein

and far away
the others wait
for their fellow to come home
but it seems as if
its destined not
to be free, to fly, to roam

Flight no more,
Fight no more,
we're all just birds in a cage
and if we bite the hand that feeds,
with lashing pain and rage
we'll be no more than birds forever
trapped in this gilded cage

alone we'll make no difference
alone we'll make no change
but together we'll be at peace and safe
together we'll be whole and home

'09

Shambles / Winter Wasteland

I don’t believe in anything worth fighting for, worth dying for.
I don’t believe the clouds are hiding much more than a reason to downpour.
So what would you do if you were me?
Give up, forget, and go back to sleep.

And I believe that heaven is like her ocean eyes, deeper than mountains climb.
And I believe that hell is like watching her smile knowing she'll never be mine.
So what would you do if you were me?
Just hide your heart and go back to sleep.
So go back to sleep..

||

The sun is coming up in the Monday sky,
and I could toss and turn until these sheets caught fire.
It's an eight-semester game of chance
in this lonely room with these empty hands;
eight AM is the last thing on my mind.
But I can count the ways
we let the minutes slip from our hands
in this dorm room dance of days.
And I think its safe to say
that we let the good days get away.
Where were your arms when the wind was so cold?
Where were your hands when the time was so hard to hold?
I'm coming undone thirty-five miles from home,
on this winter-campus wasteland all alone.
Hum the bars to the saddest songs.
Look in the mirror and wonder what went wrong,
the handsome kid the pictures show is gone.
Now Willimantic's got her cold teeth in me,
sucking dry the dude I used to be back then.
I know the rules; I set the trap that snared me.
I failed the test of time and time again.

-Make Do and Mend

Hmm,

Isn't it annoying, when you have an idea in your head, but you have no idea of how to bring it into fruition?
Well...that certainly fucking annoys me!
I have a blog idea in my head, but I'm having trouble sorting it out, making it work and wording it.

When you smile,

Just how often do you actually mean it?
I mean really....how often when you smile are you actually experiencing the bliss your face implies?

Anxious,

everything feels so tentative, nothing feels certain.
I'm sick of being scared of whats going to happen next.

'Arms of a Thief';

Mr. Henry and the muscle man, yeah
With shoes on a night there was no road to stand
Like a letter in a stolen purse
She was bored of her weight, she was bored of her words
The daughter of a soldier told the fallen priest
"That's a cold, cold place in the arms of a thief"
And reaching out to touch the steering wheel
She said, "Leave me alone but just don't leave me here, all right?"
Aye, all right

Mr. Henry and another guy gave her gold
On a night that it fell from the sky
And like a body when the buzzard came
She was bored of her look, she was bored of her name
The daughter of a lawyer told the fallen priest
"That's a cold, cold place in the arms of a thief"
And tapping at the air with her heel
She said, "Leave me alone but just don't leave me here, all right?"
Aye, all right

Mr. Henry was a dying man with a vice
And a tongue that she didn't understand
Like the water when the sea got rough
She was bored with the breeze, she was bored of her luck
The winner and the loser told the fallen priest
"That's a cold, cold place in the arms of a thief"
And holding everything he made her steal
She said, "Leave me alone but just don't leave me here, all right?"
Aye, all right

-Iron & Wine

Dear Me;

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

Sincerely

Me

'What makes a man'...

I can hear my train comin
It’s a lonesome and distant crime
I can hear my train comin
Now im running for my life

What makes a man walk away from his mind?
I think I know, I think I might know.

I can feel the wind blowin
Sending shivers down my spine
I can feel the wind blowin
Shakes the trees and the power lines

What makes a man spend his whole life in disguise?
I think I know, I think might know

I think I might know… think I might know, oh



I can see the sun is setting
It’s casting shadows on the sea
I can see the sun is setting
It’s getting colder, startin to freeze

What makes a man want to break a heart with ease?
I think I know, I think I might know.

I think I might know
I think I might know
Oh

I can hear my train comin’
It looks like time is not on my side
I can hear my train comin’
Im still running for my life

What makes a man pray when he’s about to die
I think I know, I think I might know

Oh
I think I might know
I think I might know
Oh

-City and Colour

Hate

is a thing I feel alot of.

Regualrly I get slapped in the face by the fact that the person I hate the very most in the world is myself.
Honeslty, I hate myself and every facet of my being.
I'm a parasite.

FUCK FUCK FUCK

Beds

So far I've posted two AMAZING pictures of really cool beds...possibly even more.
so i though 'oh wow how about i find lots, and and post them all together'
but i oculdnt find any more
so im not going to do that
suck shit fuck nut

This

is amazing

This is amazing

I'm on a high,
I'm finally happy,
and I owe it all to you!

I and I

am happy!

I really,

really, really, really do not,
want this to be short.

Worlds

She's as far above me as the Sun and the Stars

Inside, on the inside.

Theres a crowd,
a million voices strong,
inside my head
screaming, always screaming,
over and over,
'not good enough'

I understand and I hope. I Feel therefor I am!

She's amazing.
In every single way.
Every facet of her being is incredible.
And the best part?
She's mine, and I am hers.

I understand love, and the like, take time. I do.
So this surely can't be love YET.
But hell, it's fucking strong.

Shes better than me in every way and I don't deserve her,
but I'll get past that,
because she seems to feel the same as I do.

I am overwhelmed.

Fear,

I fear many things;

I fear I'll bore her,
I fear I won't impress her,
I fear I wont be special to her,
I fear I wont be good enough for her,
I fear I wont please her,

but above all: I fear I'll fuck it all up.

I never held open your eyes and forced you to read

so if you don't like my blog, fuck off.

I guess some things really are too good to be true...

It was strange...surreal almost, when she told me.
I was on the bus, on my way home, listening to music and staring out the window as usual. I was looking at the clouds, and the patches of blue sky between them. Everything seemed oddly vibrant, especially the blues. Maybe that colour was a sign of things to come.
Anyway, I felt detached, everything seemed strange and somewhat...wrong.
That was when she told me things couldn't be the way we thought. The hours spent mulling over how great those moments would be, the nights I dreamt about it, all for nothing. Fucking nothing. Now, everything is nothing. Nothing has worth. Nothing is gold. Nothing is good. Nothing is wholesome.

I feel sick.

I guess some things really are just too damn good to be true.

Oh, the joy!

I finally found someone who makes me happy again.





...and they're moving to melbourne in less than a month.
FUCK

So on Monday;

Tafe begins,
Maths, English, Business Studies and Senior Science, for the 'academic' side of things, and then music industry on Thursday and Friday.
Can't say I'm keen for English, Mathematics and myself never got on, Business Studies is virtually a non-event, but science is the thing I'm really looking foward to.
See I like to engage my mind, but only when it keeps me interested. Maths and English and alot of that shit just doesn't grab me, and the things that are just too intense and deep, like Physics for example, thye grab me for sure, but they're simply too intense for me to concentrate on.
Biology and Earth & Environmental Sciences really interest me, and I tihnk it's fair to say I have a decent ability when it comes to these areas.
Studying science again will be the chance to excell that I've missed so much!

Apple's iPad

I'm so fucking keen, I want one.
Theyre due in Australia soon!
It comes in 2 main configurations; Wi-Fi & Wi-Fi+3G, each having 8, 16 and 32GB versions.
Starting price is going to be somewhere between $500 & $700AU. Words cannot describe how keen I am!

More info: http://www.apple.com/ipad/

Discipline

I was thinking that dicipline is something I lack entirely.
But then I realised something; while in certain areas my lack of discipline is pathetic, that isn't to say I'm not at all disciplined.

Theres been some pretty fucking terrible things I've found so tempting, and been soclose to doing to myself, but it shows discipline that I forced myself not to do them...then again maybe it was just fear of the consequences...I'm really not sure actually.

I did manage to hold down working 6 days a week, attending school (partly) 5 days a week and paying my way for months while I still lived with my mother. Though maybe that was just an excuse for to spend as little time at home near that bitch as possible, and a way for me to adhere to my loyalty to food (because she certainly wasnt fucking feeding me).

So maybe I've demonstrated discipline in some ways, or maybe those very things have actually been me showing my weaknesses, me hiding from the things I hated.

I don't even really understand why I find it neccessary to publicly voice this, I guess putting it into writing and knowing maybe a person or two will agree and maybe relate to these odd things that occur in my mind will help get it off my chest...I sure as hell don't really know how else to get it off there!

Apologies,

Well for fuck,

I can't really say I'm entirely happy with life's proceedings right now.

Tafe starts very soon, and it's 5 days a week. This means back into the 5 days a week of school, work every saturday and sunday to catch up routine that caused me to virtually implode and leave school.
Although, now I have rent and bills ot pay, which I didn't have before.

I'm not happy with the music I'm making, or my lack of talent, and I want to improve these things but i really can't find the drive to fix anything at the moment.

I am entirely sick of being alone, it leaves me weak. Most every night I have my hidden breakdown as i try to sleep. Everytime I fall into one of these 'funks' I find it harder and harder to pull myself out. It's fucking scaring me, its getting worse and worse at an alarming rate, and I feel like im losing myself....

Everywhere I go I leave little traces of feelings. Nothing ends cleanly. My mind and my heart are so entirely fucking scattered and its damned taxing!

I miss the comfort of having a hand to hold, someone to be close with.
It's amazing the grounding a single kiss can give you, having someone who's hair you can run your hand through while the both of you relax and whatnot.
Honeslty, sex is an act from which i gain very little. But knowing I have someone who I can hold close and kiss and enjoy, someone i click with, someone with whom every single moment feels right and perfect is enough to keep me going. Without having this I'm very miserable indeed.

Well this was a shit, aimless blog.

formspring.me

Ask me shit, yeh? http://formspring.me/lostground

Fed up,

I feel disgusting and undesireable, to the utmost extent.
i want this to go away!!

40 Degrees Celcius

seriously hating this guy right now

OI!

Be considerate to others, or i will bite your torso and give you a disease!

Hate

I want every single fucking scene kid on the central coast to die.
DIE ALREADY

I want you,

inside of my head

Makin' Music, Nathan Speaking

I'm not all too happy with life and its' proceedings at present,
everything seems stagnant, im not making enugh money to do whati want, and i starttafe soon,

NOT FUCKING KEEN

Residency

My lovely home, that i can call my own for a small fee.

This is the view from my deck!


And this is my shack, she might not be quite straight, but she's home.

Hey hey, go go

Bonnie Warfield the Crusader!

my mother fucking puppy!